bare bones

I thought I'd do a fuller post today. Most of my recent ones have been lists or pictures with short explanations. I've been fairly busy lately with our little addition and having to get my car fixed. I hate registration time. You always plan to save all year for it, but never do and it just seems to pop up and you're never prepared.. well, I'm never prepared. I should have listened to my mum when she told me to stop wasting my money. You always know best, mum.

Last night, Zane and I travelled up to Newcastle for my sisters 27th birthday. We just ordered Thai for dinner and had a cake & presents and talked about the crime channel. haha. The morbid curiosity of humans. When we arrived at mum & dad's, there was an extra gift and some Easter eggs on the table. They were from my brother.

There was an incident a few months ago that has driven a wedge between him and us. He has made an effort to try and mend things with mum, dad and Amelia, but because the incident was directly involving him and I, he has not tried to communicate with me at all. Mum vowed after this happened, that she would never have another family get together. But in our family, they are inevitable, we love to have small dinners for birthdays and such. So she would hold one dinner for us, and one for my brother. I think she fears that it will all erupt again. Zane reached out to him through an email and surprisingly he replied. He seems regretful, but I'm not sure if he's ready to apologise.

There is an explanation to all of this. My brother, Daniel, has bipolar disorder. Though mental illnesses are still fairly taboo, I find it easier to talk about it. This is because from 2004-2008 I had agoraphobia, o.c.d., anxiety disorder and depression. For that amount of time, I barely left my house and missed out on alot of important things. Only through coping strategies given to me through 5 different counsellors, a medication called 'lexapro' and a hell of alot of writing, I have come through it, more confident and better for it. Before I had these disorders, I was on stage alot, singing and acting, and was a very outgoing person. It was a huge change for me. But I'm glad to say, the old Laura May is back.

Back to this situation with my brother, though he has the same symptoms as I had, I was never violent. I admit, I did threaten, but his verbal abuse is out of control. He needs help if he wants to change things with the current family climate. I miss how close we used to be, but something needs to change first.

I know this is a very confronting subject, but I hope through me opening up about it, I can begin a change in someone else. If you know someone with a mental illness, or are going through it yourself, please don't be afraid to talk to me. I have been in that dark place, and I know the way out.

I don't like to end on such a serious note, but I think the urgency of this is important.

Posting again soon,
lm.x